I've gone insane, but brought recipes, so that makes it okay, right?

I have come back from the edge of death! After Friday, I started feeling a LOT better. Those first two days were rough. Looking back, I honestly don't remember much of them except the big parts, LOL! I went through my sent text messages today to delete them, and I didn't remember sending most of them. Good thing I didn't say anything too off the wall. Whew, dodged a bullet there. :)

My wonderful fiance took really good care of me. Friday he went to the store to get me stuff to eat, and surprised me with beautiful flowers and a really funny get well card! I love him. :)

Then he made me AMAZING macaroni and cheese with hot dogs that I will probably be begging for for every meal for every day for probably 3 weeks, because, you know, that's just how I roll. I had previously bought the Tinkyada rice pasta shells, so at the store he picked up velveeta and made me gluten free velveeta shells and cheese. YUM! Then he chopped up a hot dog (Hebrew National all beef dogs are the BEST) really, really tiny and threw them in there. The cheese was sooo creamy (add a little milk). Oh. My. Gosh. I almost died. Mac 'n cheese and hot dogs is my one true love. Very easy to chew too.

Besides that, I have subsisted on primarily yogurt and pudding for 5 days running. I tried some cottage cheese, but have since decided that that was not a smart decision for obvious reasons.

While I was laying around on the couch fighting the good fight, I watched more chick shows than can be considered healthy. I'm talking the Style channel and WE (Women's Entertainment) ALL DAY LONG. I've seen the same episode of Rich Bride, Poor Bride (the one with the Victorian theme...yeah, YOU KNOW WHAT'S UP) 4 times. Seriously, how the hell did they end up under budget by $49?? Unfortunately, I also saw a silly amount of Clean House. They take these people with cluttered houses and redesign them and make them beautiful. Somehow (maybe it it was the pain killers, maybe it was looking at my friend Kortnei's beautiful house on her blog and silently wondering where my chick gene ended up) but I ended up making decisions that should only be made when you know that you will absolutely NEVER follow through with them. I know what you're thinking, what the hell is this broad saying? I have decided...probably against my better judgement...and without fully allowing myself to return to my non-menstrual (sorry, TMI, but girls, you know), non-medicated, non-self depricating (I'm going to be a terrible wife, I can't decorate a house!)...I have made the decision...

To PAINT our master bedroom.

WHAT THE HELL AM I THINKING??

I know I am crazy, I know I have just about lost my mind. I got the great idea to paint our last house and I HATED every minute of it. In fact, I'm pretty sure it took us more than 6 months to finish it, and we barely finished it before we had to move out. When we moved into our new house, I told myself and pretty much everyone who asked, that I am not painting for at least 10 years, or until I forgot how bad it SUCKED the last time. And yet, here I am. Someone should really take away my ability to make decisions. And Brandon, God love him, as much as he despises painting, he pretty much let me do what makes me happy. So this weekend we have picked colors. And tonight we painted one wall with a primer. I am excited, but it's still early.

Now, as promised, here are the recipes I made from Food Network Magazine (LOVE IT!) that turned out great. The shrimp will be great for all your Superbowl parties!

Slow-Cooker Pork Tacos

From Food Network Magazine

3 whole ancho chiles (which, apparently, are just dried pasilla chiles)

3 whole pasilla chiles

4 cloves garlic, unpeeled

2 to 3 chipotles in adobo sauce (CHECK YOUR CAN. I picked up one with wheat starch first and had to swap it out)

1/2 medium white onion, roughly chopped

3 tablespoons EVOO (shout out to Rachael Ray)

2 tablespoons honey

1 tablespoon cider vinegar

Kosher salt

2 teaspoons dried oregano, preferably mexican

3 1/4 cups (gluten free) chicken broth

4 lbs boneless pork shoulder (untrimmed), cut into chunks

Freshly ground pepper

2 bay leaves

1 cinnamon stick (use a small one)

corn tortillas

Assorted taco toppings

1. Put the ancho and pasilla chiles and the garlic in a bowl. Microwave on high until soft and pliable, 2 to 3 minutes. Stem and seed the chiles; peel the garlic. Transfer to a blender.

2. Add the chipotles, onion, 2 tablespoons olive oil, honey, vinegar, 1 tablespoon salt, and the oregano to the blender; puree until smooth. Heat the remaining 1 tablespoon olive oil in a large skillet over high heat; add the chile sauce and fry, stirring, until thick and fragrant, about 8 minutes. Pour in the broth and reduce until slightly thickened.

3. Season the pork all over with salt and pepper and transfer to a large slow cooker. Add the bay leaves and cinnamon stick, then pour in the sauce. Cover and cook on high until the meat is tender, about 5 hours.

4. Discard the bay leaves and cinnamon stick. Shred the pork with 2 forks; season with salt and pepper. Serve.

Bacon-Wrapped Shrimp with Chipotle Barbeque Sauce

From Food Network Magazine

20 strips of bacon

20 medium-large shrimp, shelled and deveined (about 1 lb)

1/2 cup barbeque sauce (I used KC Masterpiece)

1/4 cup canola oil

3 tablespoons lemon juice

1 teaspoon dijon mustard

3 tablespoons chopped chipotles in adobo sauce (Don't forget to check that can)

1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes

1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper

Freshly ground pepper

1. Soak 5 to 8 bamboo skewers in water for about 20 minutes to keep them from burnin on the grill or under the broiler.

2. Meanwhile, cook the bacon in a large skillet until halfway done, about 4 minutes. Drain and cool on paper towels. Wrap a peice of bacon around the middle of each shrimp; skewer with bamboo through the point where the bacon ends meet to keep it from unraveling. Thread 3 to 5 shrimp on each bamboo skewer.

3. Puree the barbeque sauce, oil. lemon juice, mustard, chipotles, red pepper flakes, cayenne pepper, and 1/4 teaspoon pepper in a blender. Set aside a little more than half of the sauce for dipping.

4. Preheat a grill, grill pan, or broiler. Grill or broil shrimp for 5 minutes, basting with the sauce once they begin to turn pink. Flip, baste again, and grill or broil until just cooked through, about 4 more minutes. Serve with extra sauce.

I loved the barbeque sauce from this recipe. It would be fantastic with other things. And, like I said, that would be something great (and easy) to do for Superbowl. Oh please, don't act like you don't look forward to all that junk food, I mean, the big game! Yeah...

Not dead...yet

My body's putting up a heck of a fight. Here is me in all my glory yesterday leaving the dentist:

I actually felt worse that I look there, if you can believe it. Yesterday I was in the most terrible pain. It was horrible. Being semi-conscious through the procedure was also traumatizing. I was fully aware of what was going on during the first tooth's removal (I couldn't feel it though, obviously) and that's just messed up. Knowing that someone is clamped on your tooth with a pair of plyer-looking things at are yanking back and forth is awful. I was making noises and starting kicking my feet, so I think they gassed me more. Because I think I fell asleep and/or was completely out of it for the remaining three. I don't remember them. Once the numbness wore off, Oh my goodness, the pain was unbearable. I started crying because it hurt so bad and the medication wasn't doing anything to dull it. Every tooth in my mouth hurt and I had terrible pain through my entire jaw. Towards the end of the night, the pain was FINALLY diministing and I fell asleep. I drooled a sexy bloody drool all over my pillow. Awesome.

Day 2 is supposed to be better, right? Let me just answer that with a big fat NO. The pain is significantly better, just some left over soreness in my jaw. But, as of 11:30 this morning, I have thrown up twice. The first time was a goody, got it all over myself and all over the bathroom too! Yay! Brandon isn't home so I got to clean everything up myself as my hands were shaking and I had vomit on my face and clothes. I figured that my tummy may be upset from taking my medication on an empty stomach. So I ate some yogurt. Shortly there after, yep that's right, strawberry flavored vomiting ensued. Now the plan is to not eat or drink anything for a bit to avoid any more throwing up. I'm scared that I am going to dislodge the blood clots.

Well I am going to try to nap now, the meds make me sleepy. Hope everyone is having a better day than me!

Dooms Day is approaching...

So tomorrow is the big day. The day that I am 4 teeth lighter. I'm nervous! Everyone keeps telling me their horror stories! The past two nights I have had nightmares about it. I am excited to FINALLY have it over with, though.

I have recently subscribed to the new Food Network Magazine, and got my first issue last Friday. I would like to go on record and say, I LOVE THIS MAGAZINE. Obviously, I can't make everything in there, but I find several recipes that are either naturally gluten free or are very easily adaptable. Plus, they give you great little cooking tips. This past weekend we had Brandon's brother Chris and his girlfriend Misty over to celebrate her recent birthday. I thought it was a perfect excuse to try a few recipes from my newest magazine. I made bacon wrapped shrimp with chipotle barbeque sauce for an appetizer. Then made shredded pork tacos as the main course. It all turned out really good! And I got to spend the day in the kitchen, which always makes me happy! I'll post the recipes for these dishes this weekend when I'm hopped up on pain pills. (Lol) I am a bad employee who is typing this from her desk at work. Way to stick it to The Man, Steph!

Brandon, my mom, and I all went to the Arizona Bridal Show this past weekend, and I'm surprised we lived to tell the tale. It is CRAZY! I hadn't eaten all day too, so I'm shocked that I didn't end up burning the Phoenix Convention Center to the ground during a low-blood-sugar-induced temper tantrum. And, may I say, that those commercials are deceptive. "Plan your wedding all in one weekend!" B. S. And no, I'm not talking about the initials of my gorgeous groom. The commercials should say, "Come to the Arizona Bridal show to get inundated with flyers, stampeded by crazy bridezillas and their entourages, and get bum rushed by people hawking self tanners, lingerie, magic diet supplements, and gym memberships. Walk out grouchy, hungry, and more confused then EVER!" That would be more accurate advertising. You don't "plan" anything there. You get a lot of people yelling at you trying to sell their products/services as you walk though the NEVER ENDING aisles of vendors. You can barely hear anything, and stop in the aisle at your own risk. So my goal of booking all the rental stuff was not acheived. But I do have pamphlets from about 30 companies to go through! Yay!

Ok, so my bitterness at the bridal show is a little exaggerated. True, I was starving and they were serving samples of delicious smelling, gluten FULL food. Not cool. But I did book my photographer, which I think was a flipping miracle. She happened to have contracts with her and I said, Let's book this shit so I never have to make this decision ever again. And that we did.

I made a Wedding To Do list to get myself organized. This was not a smart move for my mentally unstable state. THERE IS SO MUCH TO DO. Who would have thought that MAYBE we should think about the honeymoon early in case we need passports?!?! Ugh. And why can't I just magically know everyone's address by heart?

And to top off my weekend, I got sick from my gluten free haven, Picazzo's Pizza. I have never, ever gotten sick there. I think it was because I ordered their Special Slice of the Day, instead of sharing a whole pizza with Brandon. So maybe something happened during the cooking of my single slice. Who knows. But my tummy is defeated.

Well, it's back to work for this slacker. 4 DAY WEEKEND!! WOOHOO! Who cares if I'm in terrible pain?

Well, I survived.

I survived my dentist appointment today. I do NOT like dentist visits, as evident in my avoidance of them for 5 years (I know, I am such a bad grown up). I went to one dentist about 6 months ago which was a HORRIBLE experience; I walked out of there feeling awful (they told me I had the beginning stages of gum disease and I was horrified) and ripped off. I couldn't help but feel like they just desperately wanted money out of my pocket and my insurance's, so they were just making stuff up. They wanted me to come back to get some super-whizz-bang fillings that would cost me (after insurance) over $500. And they wanted Brandon to come back to get preventative sealings to the tune of $700. Neither of us ever went back. So, imagine my surprise when appointment today at a new office was rather pleasant! By the way, I do NOT have gum disease. I knew those people were wrong. Oh, and those super intense fillings? Not necessary. I have two small cavities that need ordinary fillings...$113 bucks at this new office. That other office in Maricopa was a freaking SCAM, I tell you. Needless to say, I am very pleased with this new office. To get all 4 of my wisdom teeth extracted and be drugged up while they do it is going to cost me less than $200. I was expecting WAAAAY worse. I am very excited! I have an appointment for next Thursday the 15th! Very soon!

Oh, and I am bulb-burned. My whole posterior region of my body is burnt. Not terrible, but I guess I'm going to have to back down the time in the tanning bed. I'm an amateur tanner, what can I say.

So does anyone have good ideas of what to eat while I have to avoid solid foods?