Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Ode To Chili's (I Hope You Die A Fiery Death)

My local Chili's chain,
How I hate you so,
I have heard about your gluten free menu,
So today I decided to go.

I didn't get risky,
Decided to play it cool,
I ordered a caesar salad,
To prevent an intestinal duel.

But you deceive me so!
What did you do?
Just pick the croutons out of my lettuce?
How could I ever trust you?

I couldn't make it through half,
Forgive me if I say,
You weren't worth the plate you were served on,
Yet still, I had to pay.

And now my tummy grumbles,
It's been awhile since it's been this bad,
Tonight it could barely handle,
The gluten free sandwich I just had.

So here's to you, you piece of shit Chili's,
You listen close, you hear?
Here's a big middle finger from me,
And oh, Happy New Year!


H.Peter said...


Endless Possibilities said...

This is the most poetic thing I have ever read about a glutening... you should send this to Chili's!

Sorry you got sick :(

Anonymous said...

Isn't that something?? Caesar salad is EXACTLY the same thing that I got glutened with at Chilis... it was in San Diego when we were visiting my sister in law and staying in a hotel and TRYING to eat at places that I felt safe at (having a gluten free menu and all...) I should have known. First the server came to our table and I said I will need a copy of your gluten free menu. She came back about 5 minutes later and asked me if I would be needing that menu to place my order!! So of course I said Yes. HUH??? Why would I have asked for it if I wasn't going to order off of it. Anyway long story short I was noticing specks of things that did not look familiar in my chicken caesar salad, and am quite confident some of it was crouton dust. Seriousy... if you are going to go to the trouble to offer a menu... TRAIN YOUR STAFF!